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Live at House of Butter

by Tattiana Aqeel

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1.
2.
I walk the trepid line to find out where you are I'd held back for so long, wanting to see the stars But the stars, they never do fall into my arms like Raindrops. Suddenly I'm frozen and When breath begins I live again And these new wings, I found them far from home All I've ever known was swept up under me Rainbows come and go But it's the last you'll know when walking under sheets When we went back again I knew I had been written I was far from where you are. Far from you and your stars I tried to make it be forever you and me, but baby that's not real Not for life that I live I hope that we can see the better of the two That me should be to me and you should be to you With all I've flown before my last note is still unwritten Speak to me, speak to me from the depths of me The depths of me where it's warm and dark I can hear a pin drop Speak to me from deep within I hear voices My heart it beats and bends, bends like the leaves However you have come to be Whoever you have known Whatever I have grown to be Wherever seeds I've sown I will bleed now. Time to be grown up Whatever life I choose, I choose it with devotion And finish what I do or else I would be foolish not to know That what I can create with my own hands is good and I have made it Along with the friends I've taken Speak to me, speak to me I have dreams to be, dreams to be free While I'm traveling over hills and valleys In the mountains where the air is sweet Speak to me. I won't be tied down by the friends I leave They'll understand when I have to believe In sudden changes in the wind Speak to me Speak to me Speak to me
3.
We spend Sunday morning shifting, fitting each other like puzzle pieces I'm lucky to know your body. I'm in wonder Have you ever known a place like this before I would like to know you again and a little more Respect each other's differences, allow for change in perspectives Whole and complete, we're not here to combat You're smarter than me and I'm okay with that Oh la la la (repeat) Laughter and lily incense fill our bed. You smell so good Time stops for us to find our perfect kiss Have a little more She nudges me to taste Your love is wind under fluttering. The oranges sweetest made. Oh la la la (repeat) Mmmm mmm mmmm dee da dee dum dee da dum dee Simple and clean you love like liquid light So naturally my love in you inspires Have a little more She beckons me to try Just a little warmth and revelry enough to keep the fire. Oh la la la (repeat)
4.
Speaking out angry. Goddamnit I lied. Laughing out anger, unsatisfied You don't know what I don't tell you, but you can't tell what I don't know No you can't tell what I know, can't tell me what I don't know Can't fatten me with cruelty. I am not one of your hoes I am not that woman like the last one you chose This love was written in my bones, so I demand respect As you demand to be trusted (repeat) We made our own bed, we live in it. We've both come so far So long ago was won. This is what we've earned Growin' up you learn to keep the promises you make The promises I can keep, the promises you made to me (repeat) If we were older I'd take you up my sleeve. If you were me and I was you Then we would really get to see how much we have in common What more can we give and take for one another? Please don't keep me wait- I would wait for you for what feels like forever (I get high) (repeat) If we could have another chance I think we'd turn out to be right If you would just let yourself be Trustworthy If you can save your love for me and you can learn how to be kind I will call it gained and I'll prepare myself to be Trustworthy (repeat) Baby let's try a little bit harder, no let's not let go I've loved you all this time even when I avoided you You know that this is love. Please make a sacrifice to show it Put it on your altar with the things that you most want Make an offering of peace and put it right beside your father Tell him I am back to see about the love that I once offered I could never let it go if you can see me as your equal Treat me as your friend and you can strengthen your rememberance Remember me (repeat) Trustworthy
5.
"Some time in 2016, me and my niece, my partner, and my sister were all living together. My niece was 5 at the time. She's a beautiful child, wonderful, little locs, just so cute." "She was flipping through some kind of doll book with paper dolls in it, and she was pointing out the aspects of the dolls that she liked in the book. She got to the one Black doll in the book- 'cause you know it's usually just one- and was like, 'I don't like her. She's not pretty.' Or she might have said, 'She's ugly.' A positive statement. And we were like, 'Why?' She was like, "Umm she doesn't have any hair.' And I was like, (sigh) 'Fucking Frozen,' [a Disney movie] which we didn't watch in the house, so she definitely got it from school." "But up to that point I thought that just our regular way of being- her mom has short hair, [we had] mad people come through the house with short hair and different types of hair- I realized in that moment that you have to figure out how to underhandedly teach a child how to love themselves for how they are and how they look." "I was so distraught over it in that moment. I couldn't chastise her; she doesn't know. She's just getting information from the world. So I wrote this song."
6.
What is the base of beauty seen? Who then decides the fate? I never knew another tongue before I knew my own So to decide another's skin of greater value than my own Is to forget my mother's name and all of those from whom I came To break away, break away I had not taught a guiding word I just assumed that it would come To raise a child with sense of pride The harm of bitter years undone God please forgive my négligé I will prepare my future songs With patience and déterminée And to survive a wicked world And break away, break away, break away What does not grow, it ain't meant to do it We each are born with cause and rhyme To try to change what you intuit is to deflect your natural time What does not grow- it ain't meant to do it We each are born with cause and rhyme To try to change what you intuit is to depress your natural high How little of myself I knew before I went to try and change To fit the mold of chosen few- it causes everlasting pain The market model of success is to convince 'em you're a star The curse of starving to impress is never knowing how Beautiful you are Break away, break away, break away (repeat)
7.
En español: Me dejaste abierta No tengo pertenencias Todo fue arrebatado El día que me conquistaste Me quede vacía Y asi segui a la deriva Pensé que sabría el final Pensé que sabría quando Una obsesión (4x) Me dejaste abierta No tengo pertenencias Todo lo que eras Se fundió en mi Ya lo perdí Con que me quedaré para seguir luchando Y tu ya ganaste Mi obsesión (4x) Una obsesión (4x) In English: You left me open I had to belongings All was taken The day I let you in (you conquered me) I was emptied And so we kept a' sailing Thought I knew the end Thought I could see when An obsession (4x) You left me open I had no beginnings (no belongings) All that was you Became of me too I had lost What(the) will I had left to fight within. And you had won My obsession (4x) An obsession (4x)
8.
Check me once chil' and check me again with those pretty hands Knew your pretty smile before I could taste your pretty skin Here's to making me wait so patiently Before you dropped down and landed on my plate You move me softly, slowly to believin' baby You move me softly, slowly to believin' Oh. O you move me. Checked up, checked down. I'm feelin' you now- where to begin? This is different than any of the places I've been in How you feel, how your body curves into mine I'm giving you my reward for waiting, taking time You move me gently, easy to receiving baby I'm humbly kneeling halfway to your feet now baby Oh. O you move me. Oh. I wanna eat you up and not spit you out (repeat) Leap up, leap in. The water is fine- I'm swimming in Keep up, keeping the rhythm and time. I'm lovin' it I think I've known you before. Glad you're back again You've got the perfect timing my golden friend Mmm meet me, take me back to the beginning baby I'm flying, spiraling, coming to your senses baby Oh. O you move me.
9.
If you are stiffing, I wouldn't mind Just be yourself and I'm gonna ride If you are quiet, I won't tell on you I am required, to the grave You stayed with me all this time, All of it You're in my body and my mind I don't know why I understand All of this time, it made me feel like a man What is love (repeat) What is patience What is love Responsibility- I take mine accordingly While you run, while you run, while you run, while you run, while you run 'Round town Could it be your love doin' that dirt Spinning Does it make, does it make, does it make, does it make you feel More like a man What is love (don't say, don't run) (repeat) What is patience (don't say, don't run) What is love What is love What is truth What is patience What is it to you
10.
I left the country yesterday. I have the privilege to return unscathed But I have friends who cannot leave and come back home I thought I'd change my rhythm here I'd have a break from pain of loss and fear O but my love is over there, she can't come back home Come back home Black and Brown stand tall A mighty tree that can't fall O how I wish it could be over now so you can Come back home (repeat) I put my fists up in the air and use my feet to march and rally there O but my body's still abused by those who claim this home And call it hope Black and Brown stand tall A mighty tree that can't fall O how I wish it could be over now so you can Come back home (repeat) I gather help from family and ask my ancestors to protect me Their mighty struggle is not won, God rest their souls I have a hope I cannot lose Though we are wary and our strengths misused Who breaks or paves the road ahead for us to call this home And make our own Black and Brown stand tall A mighty tree that can't fall O how I wish it could be over now so you can Come back home (repeat)
11.
Mmhmn tell me whatchu want mmhmn Mmhmn shawty whatchu want mmhmn I wanna give it to you- pack light, know for sure it's alright Put up your hands, pants low, sliding down your waist I go Yeah I like what you want mmhmn 'Cause if only a second longer If only a minute Only an hour more A day I'll wait, as long as you want, I'll wait Mmhmn tell me whatchu want mmhmn Mmhmn show me whatchu want mmhmn Your instincts are secure, on point like they should- Every minute made to last, words that make my body dance Yeah I like what you want mmhmn Well aren't we made to last Are we headed there fast I stay wrapped up inside of your love Making memories of how you wanna be touched (break) Well aren't we made to last Are we headed there fast You stay wrapped up by these big hands That remember how to get you wet I will gladly stick to your tune I will obey your every move You can trap me, you're the only one I will stay, as long as I can make you come with me
12.
I think yeah I need your love Got a long life to live Here to stay and beseech your love Send the one before me here oh oh oh oh mmmmmm Turn away, I don't need your love See me grow and carry it Have my hands out offering love Need a mind to conquer it Strong words keep me still Bubbling up their will Mmmmmm Is a way to heal my love In the morning with sunrise Here to stay and beseech my love As we watch the curtain rise oh oh oh oh mmmmmm
13.
What's got the heart of a woman The mind of guru The soul of a very best friend You are the voice of the ocean Beating vibration Feeling deeply rooted in the Earth We are (repeat) What is the being of laughter Creation of song Meeting ever-after, this one I am the passion from dreaming The courage awakened The dance at the center of the drum We are (repeat) One mind, one heart, one race, one song One life, one love, one people, one drum One whole, one world, one spirit, one seed, we are (repeat) We are the seeds of one (repeat)

about

Recorded live at House of Butter, January 19, 2018.

Bonus track for unlimited streaming at
soundcloud.com/tattiana-aqeel/fast-car-cover-live-at-house-of-butter

Please pay more if you can. Sliding scale $12-15 includes Bandcamp's cut. Thank you.

credits

released July 19, 2018

THANK YOU framily,

Arli Christian for House of Butter event space, refreshments, and promotional support.

Asha BOOMclak Santee for live sound and recording, and love.

Album collage art by artist poet Taylor Johnson using pieces from art prints by Elizabeth Catlett, Lois Mailou Jones, and Alma Thomas- all Black women artists who lived and worked in DC.

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about

Marie Tatti Washington, D.C.

Tattiana is a singer-songwriter and food justice advocate from Washington D.C. Tattiana is committed to creating welcoming spaces for gay, queer and other people of color to unify through healing, art, and access to empowering resources. Recordings of her music are on Bandcamp, Souncloud, and YouTube. She makes music, raises cannabis plants, and practices breathing meditations. ... more

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